Ode to Brown

There have been some complaints about the brownness of my blog. I don't want to name any names (Ann!) but I would like to point out a few things to those people who haven't been keeping up on the important cultural topics du jour (or mañana, for that matter).

Just like old is the new young, brown is the new blue. Soothing to the eyes, it suggests to the Metamucil generation to focus on what's important...good bowel function. It reminds us of what color our hair used to be, and of the eyes of the pretty girl who rejected us, lo those many years ago.

Brown says stability. It says retirement package, bifocals, and sensible shoes. It says "Hey, Babe...I'm always ready for a hot night at the library. What's your sign? Did you catch The View today?"

And consider the alternatives: Blue? Pretentiously self-important. Green? Reminds me of the algae that grows on the side of the house. Red or yellow? Too showy-offy. Pink? please...spare me. Pink is a color that fairly screams, "I have 30 years of estrogen production left!"

Brown is your friend. Brown won't abandon you just because you're boring and old. Brown knows where you're headed: Nowhere. Well, eventually to a grave, but that's pretty much it. A muddy, brown grave.