Thursday, March 22, 2007

Goodbye Rene Portland. We Knew Ye Better Than We'd Have Liked To

Rene Portland, noted lover of heterosexuality and coach of the Penn State Lady Lions basketball team, quit today. Although I would have preferred to see her fired, I'll take a voluntary step down.

Portland, as you may recall, worked tirelessly to develop a "lesbian-free" team. And while an untold number of lesbians slunk away quietly after being shown the door by Portland, one straight girl was indignant enough to pursue the matter. It caused a huge stink for Penn State, and Portland was no doubt invited to resign. After all, it's hard to imagine women's sports without lesbians. By implementing this bizarre policy, whether it was overt of not, Portland did a disservice to both the student-athletes and the school's fan base. How she ever expected to win without lesbians is a mystery, and a testament to the power of faith.

So good riddance, Ms. Portland. As I was recently motivated to say elsewhere...don't let the door hit you on the way out. Maybe Liberty Baptist or Bob Jones U. has a position for you.

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