Tuesday, March 27, 2007

A Day in the Life

God. What a day.

I pretty much spent all day alternately seizing and recovering from seizures, and I is wo' out. I have temporal lobe seizures, which aren't the same as generalized seizures, where you fall on the floor and twitch and flop and urinate. I used to be that kind of person, but now I have smaller seizures, confined to one side of my brain.

On one level, it's easier. Generalized seizures are exhausting and require a spare set of clothes. And I always felt the need to apologizing to people who saw me do it. It seemed socially inept to sprawl on the floor with your eyes rolled back in your head, muscles clenched, making grunting noises and peeing.

Maybe I was thinking it looked like a bad temper tantrum.

But I don't do that anymore. Now I look fairly normal...as normal as I ever look, anyway. But out of the blue, I'll start smelling something that's not there. Lemons or tar are my usual favorites. That's followed by a cascade of unpleasant symptoms that leave me rattled and fearful. I avoid people as much as I can afterwards, because all the movement and sound that people make stresses me out even worse after a seizure. I just want everything to not move or make noise for a few hours.

So yesterday, after I'd struggled through the morning and went to work in sort of a edgy, Zombified state, I told Cory that people scare me when I'm in this post-seizure state. He said, "Me too. People are scary and unpredictable, and you should be afraid of them."

This is why gay guys make the best girlfriends. They always know what to say.

And just at that moment, Dr. Padma comes around the corner trailing about 20 high school students from some organization like the Illinois Gifted Science Nerds or something like that. They were touring the lab, and she was looking for volunteers to give them a speech that would make them all want to be Medical Technologists when they grow up.

Cory and I hightailed it to the bathroom to hide out.

Luckily, Lisa volunteered, so we didn't have to spend the rest of the day in there, which was extra good because I hadn't even thought to bring a magazine or anything.

But today is a new day, and I'm hopeful that my brain has reset itself in my sleep and I can bravely face the world. But if not, the bathroom is right down the hall.


Anonymous said...

You're a very brave girl, Ev. I like you.


Kwach said...

I like you, too. Love you, in fact.


Ev said...

Awww...thanks guys. :-)