Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Why Earl Scheib Is My New Best Friend

Our collection of crappy pickup trucks are growing in an amoeboid fashion, like they're undergoing mitotic asexual reproduction. If I leave one crappy pickup out in the rain overnight, in the morning there are two! *

At this rate, in six weeks we'll have 4,400,000,000,000 crappy pickups, or 4.4 quintillion crappy pickups for you math scholars.

However, the downside to that is that I've got them both running pretty well, but they look...well, crappy. I checked into having them painted locally and found out that it would cost more than either of them are worth., because the auto body shops here have pride in their work.

And that's why I plan to sand and Bondo and primer them...starting tomorrow. If I can get them in reasonably good condition on the outside, I can take them to St. Louis get them an Earl Scheib paint job. ANY VEHICLE...ONLY $99! THAT'S RIGHT! ANY VEHICLE! ONLY $99! Earl doesn't have any standards at all. He'll put a crappy paint job on a crappy pickup and sleep like a baby at night, knowing that he's screwed another hundred customers out of $99 that day.

And really, that's all I'm looking for. Earl and I are totally on the same page with this.

I think this $300 eBay pickup truck hobby is beginning to wrap around to an obsession. After all, I still have more kids than I have crappy pickups, so my work here isn't done yet.

Bartender! Crappy pickups for all my friends! Wood project be damned. If I'm going to have 4.4 quintillion pickup trucks to work on, I'd better get moving!

*But the dog sure is cute, isn't she? And I'm going to put the hose away right after I water the plants, I swear.


Anonymous said...

Mmm mmm mmm. I love me a crappy pickup. Does it come with a gun rack, or is that extra?


Kwach said...

No gun rack, but it does have jump seats and Sirius radio! Oh ... and whatever you do, don't lock the doors. There doesn't seem to be a key to those.

: )