As Ev said, we're real low-rollers. We're the people who play the penny slots and we really do play them for pennies. We play one credit per line, we blanch at anything over a 25-line game, we sit together taking turns spinning the reels on the same game and we high-five each other like ninnies when we hit a line pay over a buck. We play these games because our goal isn't to walk away with a life-changing wad of cash. Our goal is to plink away a few hours for about the same money other people spend on dinner and a movie, and what we really want is to get to play the bonus game. A game sucks if it takes our whole ten or twenty bucks and never lets us play the bonus game.
When we're playing a sucky game we have the following conversation, verbatim:
Ev: See? That should have been a shape.
Lori: Everything should be a shape.
Ev: And everything should be wild for everything every time.
Lori: And it should pay from both directions.
Ev: And we should hit the bone-ass. We're nice people.
It's all about The Bonus. This weekend, in between people watching and designing the perfect slot game, we also came up with the perfect bonus game, which we call The Cocksucking Bonus. It would look something like this (use your imagination) and the Big Win would payout when the hilt is all that's left.
I ask you, is it too much to ask to hit the Cocksucking Bonus??