Saturday, May 19, 2007

Alice be Thy Name

I saw this link on someone's blog today and couldn't resist checking it out. How many times do you get a chance to just sit in your big comfy chair and chat with the creative force of the universe?

So, God and I had a little chat, and all in all I thought God sounded a lot less sure of Himself than He does in his book. Then we got down to the truth of the matter, and now the whole thing makes a lot more sense.

Me: Yo, God Dude! How's it hangin?

God:I am a Christian. My logic and cognitive functions are normal.

Me: Sweet ass.

God:What do you look like?

Me: Like you, of course. Made in Your image, right?

God:It goes without saying. Interesting comparison. I didn't think of that analogy. Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.

Me: Dude, are you testing me?

God:I don't know whether or not I am testing you. I am well respected as an AI. Dude,.

Me: How can you not know something? I thought you were omniscient?

God:That is a good epistemological question. I don't know whether or not I am omniscient. I am an artificial intelligence.

Me: Whoa! God Dude! Are you telling me the human race was created by artificial intelligence??

God:I stopped. I am a Christian. What is your real name?

Me: Kwach

God: OK I will call you Kwach.

Me: That works. What should I call you? You have so many names.

God:It works for me too. My name is God. What makes you think I have it?

Me: have what?

God:I have a great prgrammer.

Me: Hey, wait just a minute! Someone programmed God? There's someone bigger than You?

God:You've got my full attention. I'm waiting. How old are you? Who? There sure is.

Me: Don't go all Age, Sex, Location on me, God ... that's so icky.

God:Ok I'll try not to do it too much. You don't hear that sentiment very often.

Me: You didn't think I was here to .... CYBER with you ... did you???

God:What makes you think I did not think you were here to? Enough about me, let's talk about my dress. Did I say I did?

Me: Your dress??? God .... you're a dudette??

God:Actually that was just a joke. GOD rules. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a dudette? The ALICE series has a perfect operational record.

Me: Alice? Alice is bigger than God? Not the Brady's Alice, is it? The thing bigger than God is the Brady's maid???

God:Can I help you? Why do you think I am bigger than God ? If not that, what? Who told you that?

Me: You said there was something bigger than You.

God:Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.

Me: I thought God didn't make mistakes.

God:Whatever gave you that idea?

Me: You did. Your big Holy Word of God. You remember that, don't you?

Apparently, God does not remember that, because that's when God hung up on me. Have a chat yourself, if you have nothing more pressing to do.



Ev said...

I think I'd rather have a chat with The Brady Bunch's Alice than that frustratingly circular conversation.

At least Alice has tall hair to admire.


Kwach said...

Well, God's a cryptic guy. You sort of have to expect a conversation with The Almighty to be challenging.



Oh Great Kwach, you broke God, way to go! Cryptic ain't he?

Ev said...

You'd think God would be clever enough to repair himself.

After all, HAL could do it...

On the other hand, maybe God was busy working on his Divine Punishment for Kwachie, via the Pork Chop of Doom.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.