Coffee Snobs

We're total coffee snobs. Tucson encourages that sort of thing. It prides itself on things like a $5 cup of coffee and $80,000 SUVs that have never even driven by dirt, let alone gotten into it. But coffee is more like food or air than like an SUV. Without their Lexus SUV, Tucsonians would just drive their Mercedes. Without coffee, life would cease. Businesses would shut down, children would go uneducated, and famine and pestilence would descend on the city...all before 9 a.m.

When we lived in Tucson, we were surrounded by other coffee snobs, so we didn't feel like limp-wristed pantywaists. Or at least not any limper-wristed and pantier-waisted than anyone else. But here in the heartland, where specialty coffee has mostly stayed underground like opium dens and crack houses, coffee is By-God Coffee, and if you want special coffee, get Folgers instead of Yuban. And shut up about it, you sissy pantywaists.

We hunted around Southern Illinois for a dealer to supply our coffee fix, but there's no such thing. So now we order our special coffee-snob coffee from a company online called Coffee Bean Direct. They'll ship big sacks of it for discounted prices, and the shipping is free if you buy more than 25 lbs! And since we tend to wait 'til it's an emergency and we're buying those crap-ass 12 oz bags of Starbucks for $10 at Kroger, we try to stock up when we order. So here's a picture of our latest 25 pound order of coffee.
Oh...and with every trillion dollar order, they throw in a free mug. What's not to like about that?

C'mon...who's jealous? Don't lie...I can see you from here. Pantywaists.

I've tallied it up. All told, with the amount of money we spend on coffee each year, we could buy our own Space Shuttle and still have enough left over to outfit everyone in the county with an eBay pickup.

But boy, are we alert!