Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Coffee Snobs

We're total coffee snobs. Tucson encourages that sort of thing. It prides itself on things like a $5 cup of coffee and $80,000 SUVs that have never even driven by dirt, let alone gotten into it. But coffee is more like food or air than like an SUV. Without their Lexus SUV, Tucsonians would just drive their Mercedes. Without coffee, life would cease. Businesses would shut down, children would go uneducated, and famine and pestilence would descend on the city...all before 9 a.m.

When we lived in Tucson, we were surrounded by other coffee snobs, so we didn't feel like limp-wristed pantywaists. Or at least not any limper-wristed and pantier-waisted than anyone else. But here in the heartland, where specialty coffee has mostly stayed underground like opium dens and crack houses, coffee is By-God Coffee, and if you want special coffee, get Folgers instead of Yuban. And shut up about it, you sissy pantywaists.

We hunted around Southern Illinois for a dealer to supply our coffee fix, but there's no such thing. So now we order our special coffee-snob coffee from a company online called Coffee Bean Direct. They'll ship big sacks of it for discounted prices, and the shipping is free if you buy more than 25 lbs! And since we tend to wait 'til it's an emergency and we're buying those crap-ass 12 oz bags of Starbucks for $10 at Kroger, we try to stock up when we order. So here's a picture of our latest 25 pound order of coffee.

Oh...and with every trillion dollar order, they throw in a free mug. What's not to like about that?

C'mon...who's jealous? Don't lie...I can see you from here. Pantywaists.

I've tallied it up. All told, with the amount of money we spend on coffee each year, we could buy our own Space Shuttle and still have enough left over to outfit everyone in the county with an eBay pickup.

But boy, are we alert!


Anonymous said...

B'lieve it or not, I gave up the coffee thing (and yeah, I was a snob too). I got tired of feeding a monkey every damn day to avoid a killer headache. Now, I get frou frou drinks like lattes as a reward for being good. I don't have a headache, I have saved enough money for my own space shuttle, and no one calls me a pantywaist in the grocery store. It's all good here in Hoosierville! robin

Anonymous said...

lol Im jealous. No wonder Ev sleeps like the princess and, the pea. "To the moon Alice". :Diane


Hmmmm I just get worked up on this one. It might have something to do with living in Seattle.

Kwach said...

You'll notice that there are two kinds of bags there ... the big green bags are whole roasted beans.

We've got Dark House Blend, Dark Celebes Kalossi, Dark Sumatran and Italian Roast Espresso.

But that's just maintenance coffee.

The real fun is in those little gold bags full of green coffee beans to go in the I-Roast! That's where we get to experiment with Sumatra Mandeling, Costa Rican Terrazu, Colombian Supremo, Mexican Chiapas and a variety of French and Italian roasts and blends.

The only thing I can't get around here is a cup of New Orleans French Market coffee with chicory and condensed milk, and damnit, I love that stuff!


Do you have any tea by chance?

Anonymous said...

If you haven't already Kwach, try Community Coffee / New Orleans Blend. If your local grocery carries it. For my every now and, then chicory urge, it's not half bad. I've been tempted to support Yuban and, the Rainforest Alliance Certified Coffee they have. Just not a very pretty name for Coffee. I think they are the only ones in chain stores supporting the alliance. This made me want an I-Roast. Whatever that is. :)Wanna see my wine collection ? )~~ :Diane

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh and golly! You should know about Cafe Mam/Royal Blue Organics! They are righteous folks in Eugene, Oregon, who buy the most politically correct coffee beans in the world from Chiapas, Mexico --- organic, shade grown, bird friendly, farmer coop, fair trade, you name it --- and they roast them only when you call in your order, and your order is taken by someone who is named Indigo or Hemp or some such (and who will likely remember you the next time you call), and then they ship your order to you (even in Illinois!) by UPS and it arrives promptly and is amazingly inexpensive considering. I'm currently living in central Illinois, and I buy two five-pound bags at a time --- one French roast regular whole beans and one decaf of the same --- and even with the shipping it comes to about $9.00 a pound, and it's great great great coffee. Their Web site is Check 'em out!

Kwach said...

Ooooooh ... Jessie is our new best friend!

Now I'm sorry I'm past my child-bearing years. I want children named Indigo and Hemp.

Ev said...

No, you're right Diane.. Yuban should be the name of a deodorant, not a coffee. Somebody was not thinking when they came up with that.

I'm not a fan of New Orleans coffee, but I AM a fan of Kwachie. If she wants those roots and berries in her coffee, then by-god we'll get roots and berries.

But I'll still drink the good stuff. :-)

Kwach said...

I distinctly remember you making yummy sounds when I carried your cup of half French Roast and half French Market coffee up the stairs and presented it to you, all steamy hot (the coffee), in my tall bed in Mesa on Tuesday mornings. Are you saying it wasn't the coffee?


Anonymous said...

The best courting
was Tuesday mornings.
I made yummy sounds
In your tall bed in Mesa.

la la la la lmao

Anonymous said...

Next time you wait too close to the last minute and find yourself needing to get a starbucks fix....check out your local target. I always buy our starbucks there for about $2.00 less per bag than in the grocery store.