Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Proud to be a 'Mercan

That's right. It's not one of those pussy holidays with baby chicks and pastel bunnies. It's National Blow Shit Up Day! The day when all good Gawd-fearin' 'Mercans gather in loud, rowdy groups to gorge on picnic food and Old Milwaukee, smack the sticky kids in their damp droopy diapers and celebrate the fact that we've been kickin' ass and takin' names for over 200 glorious years, while the rockets red glare and the bombs bursting in air give proof through the night that our flag is still there and Lee Greenwood reminds us we're "Proud to be Americans" ... and we'll put a boot up yer ass if you don't like it.

We've been democratizing, liberating, enslaving, endenturing and eradicating brown people for a long damn time, and we've got the Lord and Baby Jesus on our side. Right now we're a little busy eradicating our own Civil Rights, but don't worry ... we'll get around to you in due time.

You've gotta love a holiday that can send a vicious 100 pound canine with jaws that can crush a cow's skull whimpering under the couch like a third-world mongrel pup.

Happy Independence Day. If it shoots, fire it into the air!

Wooo! Fireworks!



Ev said...

I'm sensing some bitterness here. Would you like to process it? Because, you's our cultural heritage to process.

Kwach said...

Hell, no, good Gawd-fearin' 'Mercans don't process! Unless it's tequila and margarita mix in the blender, that is.

If you're nice, I'll let you sparkle with me in the back yard when you get home and we can sing "This is My Country" really loud. I've got some big-ass sparklers. Not those little pussy silver ones.


Ev said...

Sparkle? Is that what we're calling it these days?

Hell yeah, I'll sparkle with you! :-)

Anonymous said...

How did you get a picture of Billie ? Power to the people ! heh