Wednesday, June 20, 2007

God Loves Me Best

Well! Fortunes do change on a dime!

Today was my day off. In my day-off fantasy, I would be sitting in the shade reading great works of literature and maybe sipping a fruity cocktail drink. I would sleep until noon and awake refreshed, sip my coffee on the veranda with my hot lesbian lover while being pithy and winsome.

However...this is my real life, so I hauled my ass out of bed at 9 and mowed my yard all morning. But that was almost like a fruity cocktail drink, if you sort of squint. The sun was shining, the grass smelled nice and it felt like something was actually being accomplished, even if you know you'll have to do it again in two weeks.

Sooo...the grass got mowed, then I took the cat back to the vet and got the big thumbs up on the eye removal surgery. And that'll be better, oddly. Who'd ever think to put the words "eye removal surgery" and "better" together? But she's so pathetic with her button head and her big plastic collar, anything's got to be better than that.

So here I am, thinking that my only day off was a big ole wasted day in terms of hedonistic pleasures...no veranda, no lesbian fantasy, no fruity drinks...and then my neighbor John asked me if I'd be interested in buying his tractor! For $150!

Instantly, the skies opened up and a chorus of Hosannahs erupted! A tractor? $150??? I'm so there!!

Suddenly my life has meaning. I have something to live for. I finally understand God's mysterious plan for my life! I have a tractor to rehab.

Screw the fruity drinks and the verandah...I have a tractor.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

The good thing about the phrase "screw the . . . " is you can still say "screw the hot lesbian lover" and everyone's happy! Way to score! :-) Robin

Kwach said...

You noticed the hot lesbian lover completely dropped out of the narrative at that point, huh? I noticed that, too.

:)

Kwach

marl said...

hot lesbian lovers simply can't compete with a tractor. sorry, kwach, but it's true.

Anonymous said...

I disagree with Marl.

Hot lesbian lovers are the best screw.

Me

Suzanne said...

Wow, I will never be able to buy a tractor, not even for $150. You are one lucky woman with a hot lesbian lover.