Sunday, November 05, 2006

He's Here, He's Queer...Get Used to Him

And how much do we love the Rev. Ted Haggard story?

Let's see:

I do not use drugs and I catagorically deny any knowledge (carnal or otherwise) of that man, Mr. Jones.

Okay, I bought the meth, but I didn't use it. I flushed it down the toilet (for some reason). I know the man, Mr. Jones, but I never had sex with him. I got a massage (???).

Okay...I used the meth, but no sex. I promise.

Well...maybe there was sex. But I hate myself for it. Does that help?

Works for me, Ted.

How much of a raging homophobe do you have to be when you admit to the meth before you'll cop to the sex? On the bright side, he's got a great future leading ex-gay groups. And ex-ex-gay groups. And ex-ex-ex-gay groups. I'm thinking that for a guy like him, as deeply mired in denial and self-loathing as he seems to be, there will be backsliding issues to contend with.

But what I'd REALLY like to see is Rev. Ted, out and proud, swishing around the pulpit with that hip-dislocating walk that only queens and strippers can manage. I want to see him tastefully made up and coiffed, arm-in-arm with his boyfriend at Evangelical functions.

I want him to be the Queer Goodwill Ambassador to the Evangelical Christian community, spreading the Gospel of tolerance and diversity with as much vehemence as he spread homophobia and the politics of exclusion. Come on, Ted! Let your freak flag fly!

A girl can dream.


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