According to the United States Government Accountability Office (GAO), there are 1,138 federal statutory benefits, rights and privileges conferred by marriage.

The 1996 Defense of Marriage Act specifically bars any federal recognition of same sex marriage, or conveyance of marriage benefits to same sex couples through federal marriage law.

What this means to same sex couples, even in states where same sex marriage, civil union or domestic partnership are legal, is that these benefits, rights and privileges are still withheld at the federal level even if you do have a legal marriage in your state.

This is a very abbreviated list from Wikipedia, published here because some of our friends and co-workers have expressed that they "never really thought about" what they get automatically with their marriage license and what we don't get by having one withheld from us ... or even by having one that is only recognized at the state level. Sometimes people suggest that gay and lesbian couples can and should secure these rights for ourselves by drawing up legal contracts. Personally, I would resent paying tens of thousands of dollars to an attorney to get a fraction of what heterosexual couples can get for a two dollar license fee, even if it were possible. But really, good luck getting a legally binding contract to collect someone else's Social Security benefits.

Maybe we should stop assuming that people understand what we're being denied:

Rights and benefits of surviving spouse:

• Social Security pension
• veteran's pensions, indemnity compensation for service related deaths, medical care, nursing home care, right to burial in veterans' cemeteries, educational and housing assistance
• survivor benefits for federal employees
• survivor benefits for spouses of longshoremen, harbor workers, railroad workers
  additional benefits to spouses of coal miners who die of black lung disease
• $100,000 to spouse of any public safety officer killed in the line of duty
• continuation of employer-sponsored health benefits
• renewal and termination rights to spouse's copyrights on death of spouse
• continued water rights of spouse in some circumstances
• payment of wages and worker compensation benefits after worker death
• making, revoking, and objecting to post-mortem anatomical gifts

Right to benefits while married:

• employment assistance and transitional services for spouses of members being separated from military service; continued commissary privileges
• per diem payment to spouse for federal civil service employees when relocating
• Indian Health Service care for spouses of Native Americans (in some circumstances)
• sponsor husband/wife for immigration benefits

Larger benefits under some programs if married, including:

• veteran's disability
• Supplemental Security Income
• disability payments for federal employees
• Medicaid
• property tax exemption for homes of totally disabled veterans
• income tax deductions, credits, rates exemption, and estimates

Joint and family-related rights:

• joint filing of bankruptcy permitted
• joint parenting rights, such as access to children's school records
• family visitation rights for the spouse and non-biological children, such as to visit a spouse in a hospital or prison
• next-of-kin status for emergency medical decisions or filing wrongful death claims
• custodial rights to children, shared property, child support, and alimony after divorce
• domestic violence intervention
• access to "family only" services, such as reduced rate memberships to clubs & organizations or residency in certain neighborhoods
• preferential hiring for spouses of veterans in government jobs
• tax-free transfer of property between spouses (including on death) and exemption from "due-on-sale" clauses

Special consideration to spouses of citizens and resident aliens:

• threats against spouses of various federal employees is a federal crime
• right to continue living on land purchased from spouse by National Park Service when easement granted to spouse
• court notice of probate proceedings
• domestic violence protection orders
• existing homestead lease continuation of rights
• funeral and bereavement leave
• joint adoption and foster care
• joint tax filing
• insurance licenses, coverage, eligibility, and benefits organization of mutual benefits society
• legal status with stepchildren
• making spousal medical decisions
• permission to make funeral arrangements for a deceased spouse, including burial or cremation
• right of survivorship of custodial trust
• right to change surname upon marriage
• right to enter into prenuptial agreement
• right to inheritance of property
• spousal privilege in court cases (the marital confidences privilege and the spousal testimonial privilege)