Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Back in the Saddle?

I dunno. Maybe more like taking the saddle out the the box and circling it warily and kicking the dust off, then gingerly flipping it up with my toe to check for brown recluse spiders that might bite me and cause a gigantic necrotic festering wound on my ass if I actually get onto the saddle.

Here's my deal this evening: I just got a snotty email from the retirement services provider for my employer because she calls the lab every day and can't get hold of me. Apparently her inability to complete her annual goal rest squarely on my selfish shoulders.

Right. Because I work nights. She knows that. I tell everyone, every time they ask and often when no one asks. Working night shift doesn't mean I'm available all day and then stay up for an extra 12 hours to work my shift. Working night shift means that I sleep all day, drink coffee and shower at 5pm, and put on my scrubs and come to work at 7pm. Picture that functioning somewhat like your own life, but 12 hours later...and then earlier...and then later...and then earlier. People who work night shift aren't being difficult, they're sleeping. In much the same way I don't call you at 3 am and then say "Oh...were you sleeping? I need to discuss your job with you. No I can't call back, I leave work at 5 am.", you can't expect to call me at noon and then be indignant if I'm not excited to hear from you.

If you need to make contact with me, you may have to inconvenience yourself slightly by calling at a specific mutually agreed upon time. This might curtail your freedom to be the sort of devil-may-care hippie financial analyst who makes phone calls based on your astrological portentions or the mysterious pattern of tea leaves in your chai tea from lunch. It might require you to organize your schedule, put off your golf game, stay sober for an extra half hour during Happy Hour or similarly inconvenience yourself. In return, I agree to let you manage (or mismanage, Ms. Madoff) my retirement fund for the next 20 years. With interest.

This is potentially a mutually beneficial relationship, provided you LET ME SLEEP EIGHT HOURS A DAY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. Otherwise, if you insist on waking me up out of a sound sleep to make financial decisions that will affect the next 40 years of my life, my financial decision might very well be to find a company with a retirement specialist smart enough to figure out why people who work night shift are asleep during other people's office hours.

1 comment:

Tim said...

Dear Ms. Madoff:

You may reach me at work after 7:00pm or I will gladly call you before my shift ends at 5:00am.

Sincerely yours...